Where did you go?
This poem isn’t nearly as good as the last one, but i had to get my feelings written down because i was hurtin’.
“My Dear Friend”
You once were a green pasture
giving life to the animals.
I check back two years later.
You are no longer a green pasture,
but a jagged volcano
harming the organisms around you.
No more grass for their sensitive feet.
No more berries for the deer to eat.
You have deserted us.
New Haiku…it was an activity we did in class in which we had to write a haiku in 1 minute. Therefore, it isn’t amazing.
“Presenting”
Heart pounding, deep breaths.
A tumble of words flows out.
All eyes are on me.
-I was just about to make a speech. lol.
Feelin shitty.
Well, if it weren’t for the snowfall, my day would’ve been shitty. So, I guess it was just borderline shitty. I just can’t figure out why i love people so easily and why i get so passionate about things. I think it gets on people’s nerves and scares them. Maybe I’m psychotic or something. I try to keep my passion inside, but sometimes I can’t help it. I say things that I think the person I say them to would appreciate, but then I get a response as if I’m crazy or a stalker or something. I’m just trying to show that I care, but maybe i shouldn’t. I don’t see anyone else caring nearly as much as me.
well, i got to go to volunteering. maybe love just isn’t meant to be shared.
By the way, today was the sixth month anniversary for Zena’s death. I’m still not even close to being healed. I can’t get some of the images from her funeral out of my head. I’m getting pretty testy with teenage drivers and their carelessness. I can’t put up with it anymore. Its selfish.
I miss you.
“Memory”
Try to wash it away with rapids of tears.
The python feels me struggle, tightens its grip
Try to tear it off, twist it, hit it.
It tightens its grip.
Let it be, mind over matter.
I don’t struggle, it doesn’t tighten.
Just waiting, half-dead.
Waiting to be swallowed.
new haiku. new poem.
so, i know my poem isn’t good because it doesn’t have any imagery, but get over it. my next one will be better-maybe.
‘I Love You, Mom”
you expect too much
you put me down
I’m so tired of being pushed around
take and take
but I wont break
I dare you
keep pushing
name calling, how old are you?
I’m a gay, anorexic, drunk
sometimes a druggie too.
you’ve robbed me of my faith
my honesty
its only her you see
you wont let me be
Myself.
“Ode to the Saran Wrap”
Such torment you bring
Wax paper is the new thing
Oh, are we finished
Mothers.
God. My mom is mad at me because i wont write my sister’s english paper like i did last time. I’m soo behind in my hw because of all the hours i have had to work, volunteer, and dedicate to pleasing my mother. It makes me soo mad. There are very few things that are more important to me than my education. It isn’t procrastination at all. I just DONT HAVE TIME or the quiet and space i need. my life is dedicated to making sure my mother and sister are happy.
Hoper.
Today was great. Hopi and I went to Cebollas (sp) and talked for three hours. it was amazing. she gives me confidence. I don’t feel like i’m being judged when i talk to her. my waiter was rude though. i don’t know why i tipped him three dollars. my bill was only five dollars. oh well.
i have a lot on my mind. and too many things to do.
-read 200 pages in The Grapes of Wrath (again)
-read Cold Mountain
-write a 2100 word essay for American Lit. over The Color Purple
-write a 1000 word essay for novels over My Antonia or The Grapes…
-plan a 15 minute speech for American Lit.
-write a play for creative writing club.
-cultural event for american lit.
-get a teacher recommendation
-take an entire roll of film tonight. (yeah right)
i’m fucking screwed. at least in photo.
phycoanalyzing pt.1 of many.
where to start, where to start.
-i wonder how people perceive me, especially adults. I wonder how i come across to people. The other day in American Lit, i made a connection between a theme in The Color Purple and a rap song (Gimme Some Sugar), and Mr. Jankowski was like, “I could never picture you listening to rap music.” he looked like he was completely shocked. what did he think i listened to? Folk Music? It seems to me like he is trying to please or impress me. same with mr. decker and same with mrs. yang last year. and maybe the same for mr. hill. He told me today that at creative writing club he was trying to make me laugh. (but i’ll get into that more in the next section) do i come across as a hard to please and critical person? maybe i am too critical of other people. I do expect a lot. but then again, i’m pretty forgiving. maybe i’m going about this all wrong. the other day, stephanie said that maybe jankowski acts that way because i’m personable and its possible to get close to me? I guess relationships are rewarding, so maybe they’re looking for a friendship? today in class, i was joking around with jankowski and i think it hurt his feelings. He was like “why doesn’t anyone sit by me.” and i was like, “i moved all of my stuff so i wouldn’t have to sit next to you.” and then he moved all of his things and sat right next to me without saying a thing or even giving me a glance. so, i guess the question that has been bothering me most, is how do adults see me? is it possible to find out?
-i think i should leave off there because i feel like i’ll be judged if i include the next part of my phychoanalyzing. maybe i’ll put it in tomorrow after i speak with hopi about it. I might be figuring it out though.
More Haikus.
so, my friend gave me a copy of her haikus..lol
Cherry Cordial
Cherry Cordial, milk
With ice cream, a DeBlend, love
I love you, DeBlend.
Ode to the Saran Wrap
Saran, Saran, stick
stick to me, to yourself now
Saran stick for life.
haha…good times. she cracks me up. i still need to write my saran wrap haiku. lol
I am in a phychoanalitical mood. so, i bet my next post will be a mile long.
ching ching.
k…the title doesn’t mean anything. I just had that ching noise stuck in my head. (the one that tricycles make) Work has been fine and dandy. NOT. lol. but i find it a big humorous. maybe i shouldn’t. well, the last two nights (wednesday and thursday) I had to stay until 11pm to help close since i’m 18. well, our manager (Robin) decided to have a spaz fest and scream at the top of her longs at us from 10:15-11. both days. except last night was even better. she started crying. now, it may be mean to laugh at the situation, but keep in mind that she had been screaming at us for about thirty minutes beforehand. The reason she was screaming was because someone forgot to tell her the paper was running low in the cash register. HEAVEN FORBID. THE WORLD WAS ENDING. haha. oh god. I get enough of that drama at home, i don’t need it at work. at least valentine’s day is over now so it should be smooth sailing until easter. I’m not sure what month easter is in though. I guess i’ll find out.
i wish we had creative writing club more than once a week. it makes my week.
Pondering.
okay, so no eye rolling please. (even though i know it might be hard.) I need to get a teacher recommendation for a scholarship i want to apply for. I want to ask Mr. Hill, because he’s really the only teacher who knows what i’m about, but he means a lot to me. I feel bad asking him because he already has a ton to do. also, i wrote my final speech on him for Advanced Speech class, and i think asking him to write something for me would take away from the significance of it. I feel like I owe him everything and i don’t want to ask him for anything more. I can always ask another teacher, perhaps mr. baker, but i know that the recommendation wont be as well done. I don’t know what i should do. Does it matter whether or not the teacher knows you well when they write you a recommendation? I pondered this for an hour last night. I have to turn in my scholarship application by mid-march, so i better get a move on if i plan to apply. maybe also, i’m afraid to know what mr. hill thinks of me because i look up to him. any advice?
so, i wrote a haiku. (sp) Its about a yummy dessert we sell at Debrands:
“Ode to the DeBlend”
Thick, creamy ice cream.
A bite of cherry goodness.
My taste buds go wild.
awesome eh? lol
