Prom Plans
So, my prom group consists of Stephanie, Kristina Peters, Hope, Kaylin, Mary, Becky, and Chris. I think this is a GREAT group to go with because they aren’t people who will obsess over things and make a big deal over something that is really stupid. Okay, I do that, but I’m not vocal about it and its about my personal relationships rather than, “OMG! so and so showed up five minutes late!” or something to that effect. I’m a bit annoyed with a couple of people if you can’t tell. lol.
Joni Mitchell:
-hmmm…I like the fact that her music is a lot of fun. Even though some of her lyrics have deep meanings, she puts the lyrics to upbeat guitar melodies. Her voice is quite interesting. I was told that her voice was different and it still took me by surprise when I listened to it–especially “paved paradise.”
Cry, The Beloved Country
-I’m really impressed with this book. I figured since we are reading it in novels, it would suck (I’m still kind of bitter about wasting my life reading Crime and Punishment), but I love how it is written, using some neat variations in style, and I love how well the relationships and characters are developed. I’m going to work on reading this tonight.
I have a date with Gabby on Thursday. I’m sooo excited. It’s been two weeks since we’ve hung out. We are going to the movies and I wonder what will happen. I don’t even know where to set my bar because I’m not sure what I want or how to get it–oh! dilemma!
Feelings hurt.
So, in American Literature today, J was making fun of me for being a Hillary supporter so then I started to say, “I would never vote for a republican,” but stopped and then some how, I don’t remember what I said, something like, “oh yeah, there are quite a few republicans in here, but he was like, “we shouldn’t judge people for their beliefs”….uhhh…??? I was just joking around. I wouldn’t think any lesser of a republican. they just don’t share my views. So, it really hurt my feelings that he would say something like that to me because he should know I’m not the type to shoot down someone for their beliefs. Then, since my feelings were hurt, I accidentally lashed out on Hopper. I was at the back of the line going into the dark room and got in there last and Mrs. Hopper was like, “uhh..you need to be on the other side of the room.” and I was like, “sorry, I can’t read your mind.” She got really mad and confronted me about that. It WAS really rude on my part and I wouldn’t have said it if I hadn’t just had my feelings hurt. I felt horrible…just to add to how shitty I was feeling before that.
Now I don’t feel like talking to J at all. In my mind, i just see him as understanding me, but he really doesn’t. I don’t know if anyone does. Isn’t that a lovely feeling–having so much to say, yet no one to understand what you’re saying. I’m so bad at communicating my feelings.
Feeling Hurt
So, in American Literature today, J was making fun of me for being a Hillary supporter so then I started to say, “I would never vote for a republican,” but stopped and then some how, I don’t remember what I said, something like, “oh yeah, there are quite a few republicans in here, but he was like, “we shouldn’t judge people for their beliefs”….uhhh…??? I was just joking around. I wouldn’t think any lesser of a republican. they just don’t share my views. So, it really hurt my feelings that he would say something like that to me because he should know I’m not the type to shoot down someone for their beliefs. Then, since my feelings were hurt, I accidentally lashed out on Hopper. I was at the back of the line going into the dark room and got in there last and Mrs. Hopper was like, “uhh..you need to be on the other side of the room.” and I was like, “sorry, I can’t read your mind.” She got really mad and confronted me about that. It WAS really rude on my part and I wouldn’t have said it if I hadn’t just had my feelings hurt. I felt horrible…just to add to how shitty I was feeling before that.
Now I don’t feel like talking to J at all. In my mind, i just see him as understanding me, but he really doesn’t. I don’t know if anyone does. Isn’t that a lovely feeling–having so much to say, yet no one to understand what you’re saying. I’m so bad at communicating my feelings.
Someone commented that my posts are uncanny. Is that a good thing?
I tried on my dress and it looks BEAUTIFUL. I’m so pumped. It isn’t very conservative so I’m worried about how Becky will react.
Doubting.
Well, I made a “good luck” card for J because he was performing, and he sent me this message to my facebook:
“Thanks again for your card today. It was a small gesture, but it meant a lot and made my day. It was good to know that I had a support group at my performance tonight.”
IDK. I don’t know if he sent me that to be nice. I really hope he meant what he said, not just to simply return a favor whether it was truthful or not. I dont’ think he would do that, but maybe. Why is is so hard for me to open up to people?
Zulu!
The past twenty four hours have been amazing. I went to the coffee house and watched Jankowski and Becky–it was beautiful. There is nothing like watching people you care about conquer their fears and present a part of themselves to a group of people.
Then, me, Lindsey W., Amanda B., and Chris L went to Carlos O’Kelly’s for some dinner. OMG. It was hilarious. I seriously was laughing almost the entire time. Lindsey’s comments were so witty–you can tell she is quite brilliant. I don’t really know why I ate so much because I wasn’t hungry. Oh well.
After dinner, everyone came back to my house to watch Bring It On. Yes, even Chris watched it. It was funny to make sexist comments and make fun of Chris for watching it. Once again, a priceless moment.
Well, after getting to bed at like two, I had to get up early to go see Hillary Clinton!! I love that lady! I’m volunteering for her campaign now too. It was such a once in a lifetime thing. I was so close to getting a hand shake. I was a bit mad that some parent sent their five year old kid up there–he started crying because the people were squishing him. Good thing I didn’t see the parents because I would’ve had a word or two to say. Oh, if I didn’t mention this before, HILLARY ROCKS.
Venting time. At work today, Erin (the lazy 25 year old I’ve mentioned several times before) was told she couldn’t go home early because there was too much to do. Well, she complained non stop until my manager finely gave in. COME ON. She’s worse than my 14 year old sister…well, maybe not. BUT STILL. YOU ARE 25 YEARS OLD. GROW UP. I’m glad Stephanie was called off though; I felt horrible that I was called off yesterday and she wasn’t.
Oh! Frustration
WOW…I should’ve known today would be frustrating.
-To start the day off, I had to car pool with my mother. Okay, this is a bad start to any day. But, it was particularly bad today. As my favorite song came on the radio, my mother decided to tell me the recipe of the pasta salad she had made the night before. Why, I’m not sure. I don’t cook. But it went on and on before switching to a long list of pointless questions that relate to nothing in particular. There is nothing more annoying that listening to someone try to fill every second of silence with nonsense.
-Second, as most may know, today was the Day of Silence, supporting gay rights and such. Well, during sociology, Melissa Fritts decided to make some comment such as, “they deserve to be picked on because they are drawing attention to themselves.” Which translates into, “They should be picked on for standing up for their beliefs.” I had a word or two for her before getting my head screamed off. Mr. Schmidt actually thanked me at the end of class for going off on her. I think today was the first day I have ever liked Mr. Schmidt. I’m sure things will be back to normal on Monday. If only I could go a day without talking, I would’ve joined in to support the movement.
-Then Mr. Hill cancelled Creative Writing Club. I wont get into that though.
-And, to top it off, I had to ride home from school with my mother as I explained to her what I had to do in order to get my dress altered. AGAIN. OMG. Hopefully four times is enough. It really isn’t that difficult. You go to the shop on a Tuesday or Thursday, and they alter it. WOW…I can’t believe I understand such rocket science.
But, my day ended well; I was called off work so I get to go to the Coffee House thing at Homestead and listen to Becky and Jankowski play the guitar. I’m super pumped about that.
Day of Frustration….UGH
WOW…I should’ve known today would be frustrating.
-To start the day off, I had to car pool with my mother. Okay, this is a bad start to any day. But, it was particularly bad today. As my favorite song came on the radio, my mother decided to tell me the recipe of the pasta salad she had made the night before. Why, I’m not sure. I don’t cook. But it went on and on before switching to a long list of pointless questions that relate to nothing in particular. There is nothing more annoying that listening to someone try to fill every second of silence with nonsense.
-Second, as most may know, today was the Day of Silence, supporting gay rights and such. Well, during sociology, Melissa Fritts decided to make some comment such as, “they deserve to be picked on because they are drawing attention to themselves.” Which translates into, “They should be picked on for standing up for their beliefs.” I had a word or two for her before getting my head screamed off. Mr. Schmidt actually thanked me at the end of class for going off on her. I think today was the first day I have ever liked Mr. Schmidt. I’m sure things will be back to normal on Monday. If only I could go a day without talking, I would’ve joined in to support the movement.
-Then Mr. Hill cancelled Creative Writing Club. I wont get into that though.
-And, to top it off, I had to ride home from school with my mother as I explained to her what I had to do in order to get my dress altered. AGAIN. OMG. Hopefully four times is enough. It really isn’t that difficult. You go to the shop on a Tuesday or Thursday, and they alter it. WOW…I can’t believe I understand such rocket science.
But, my day ended well; I was called off work so I get to go to the Coffee House thing at Homestead and listen to Becky and Jankowski play the guitar. I’m super pumped about that.
Feeling Included.
For someone who shuts themselves off from people so easily, I really want to feel accepted. Only with specific people though of course. lol. After school today, Mr. Jankowski let me come listen to his music. I felt like we were closer because he usually doesn’t play for people and was even nervous to play for me. You have no idea how badly I want to be close to an adult in my life. And not just any adult–one that I actually respect. I guess I make it difficult on myself because I am so choosy. I really hope our relationship grows because having an adult I can trust would make a huge difference on my life. I think I would feel more fulfilled instead of always having to please people. Every time the clock hits 11:11 in sociology, I wish to become close to someone. My day has been amazing now two days in a row.
11:11 am
For someone who shuts themselves off from people so easily, I really want to feel accepted. Only with specific people though of course. lol. After school today, Mr. Jankowski let me come listen to his music. I felt like we were closer because he usually doesn’t play for people and was even nervous to play for me. You have no idea how badly I want to be close to an adult in my life. And not just any adult–one that I actually respect. I guess I make it difficult on myself because I am so choosy. I really hope our relationship grows because having an adult I can trust would make a huge difference on my life. I think I would feel more fulfilled instead of always having to please people. Every time the clock hits 11:11 in sociology, I wish to become close to someone. My day has been amazing now two days in a row.
Today was Great!
Well, after not having school yesterday because of a fog delay, today was a good day to start the week with. I started off in a thirty minute french class which ended up being a study hall, then I went to a fine arts convocation–it was pretty neat except for the fact that my butt hurt from sitting in the bleachers after awhile. Then, I had study hall for another hour and thirty minutes. The only other class longer than twenty minutes other than those was Honors American Lit….which was amazing too. Okay, I really don’t get what Jankowski sees in my papers–i think they lack a lot of originality and understanding of the big picture. Well, our assignment was to connect something in nature (the vehicle) to a theme or unanswerable question (tenor). We had to read our one page things in class and, in my opinion, minewas pretty crappy. It just seemed like it lacked the detail and vocabulary the rest of the class incorporated into their nature reflections. But, after I read mine, Mr. Jankowski went on and on about how good it was. We even shared a moment–we are both people readers and we were trying to read each other and at the same time block our own thoughts out so we can’t be read. It ended up in an awkward silence. I felt like I meant something to him though when he took the time to help me with my writing. I really needed that support. He has no idea how much it meant to me and I wont tell him because he may find it really odd. I wonder if I emailed him if it would be okay…IDK. But it means so much to have someone take the time to help me with my writing.
