50 Things I Will Never Do
I was looking at prompts on a creative writing site and this one came up. I thought it was a little edgy because no one usually asks what you aren’t willing to do. Just whether you WOULD do something. You guys better post a list too!
I will never:
- Steal from my parents or friends.
- Go skinny dipping in Ball State’s syphilis infested pond.
- Cry to get out of a speeding ticket.
- Forget what its like to be bullied.
- Forget what its like to bully others.
- Care more about the money than the patients.
- Respect women in authority positions as much as men.
- Forget how much my parents sacrificed for me growing up.
- Have a one night stand.
- Stop learning.
- Give up on life.
- Have an abortion.
- Stop trying to please other people.
- Think I’m good enough for the people I care about most.
- Feel comfortable around people I have extreme respect for.
- Take illegal drugs in the form of pills.
- Allow my friends to leave a party with strangers.
- Forgive myself for the way I treated my 6th grade teachers.
- Stop donating change to street performers.
- Lose my love of dance, literature, or exercise.
- Completely isolate myself from others, as I often feel like doing.
- Feel completely comfortable with my body.
- Stop thinking that he might have been the one.
- Be a good liar.
- Let my desire for alcohol affect my life.
- Drink on a school night.
- Be dependent on a man.
- Believe in God.
- Look down on someone because of their job, living arrangements, or education level.
- Have good fashion sense.
- Be sexual with a friend’s bf/lover/husband/partner.
- Get plastic surgery.
- Make my bed each morning.
- Enjoy cooking.
- Read Twilight.
- Drive intoxicated.
- Allow a friend to drive intoxicated.
- Forget what its like to lose a best friend.
- Be afraid of dying.
- Stop falling in love too easily.
- Marry someone for money.
- Stop biting my nails.
- Be attracted to a man with perfect abs.
- Stop wishing/trying to be a better person.
- Forget to appreciate the stars.
- Prefer compliments over criticism.
- Be great at verbally expressing my emotions.
- Stop enjoying Disney movies.
- Stop enjoying the sound of running water.
- Enjoy sleeping up against a wall.
On Being Shallow
There is a friend of mine who keeps confessing his feelings for me. I really don’t know how to respond. And, I’m not even sure why I am so set on giving him a no answer. He is the typical “nerd” who knows the ins and outs of computer/video games and rarely talks to girls. I would be lying if I said I was attracted to him, but is physical attraction a good enough excuse to say no to someone? I have convinced myself that it isn’t, so i have continually picked out things that I think would make us incompatible. He’s too shy, he wont be able to please me sexually, he goes to a college a few hours away from mine, and I’m already involved in a few relationship-type things. For him, that doesn’t seem good enough. Its almost as if guys would prefer if you told them you were saying no because you don’t find them attractive enough. That way you look like a bad person and they escape with some dignity. Maybe I’m just bitter right now because of how pressured I feel to have feelings for people they don’t exist for.
Reading my teacher’s blog today really makes me miss him. He’s one of the few people I have been able to look up to in my life, yet I always get so nervous to talk to him just in case I say or do something that will cause him to lose respect for me. I hope by the end of this semester I’ll be able to give him the news that I have a 4.0 for my first semester of college. If i can even get myself to tell him that. I don’t know why I always feel like I’m not good enough for those to care about. Well, maybe I do know why, but I’d rather not use that as an excuse.
With finals coming up, I haven’t had much time to make any progress in my Buddhism book. 
Good thing I took notes so I wouldn’t forget anything important in between readings. Pretty soon I’ll be back home with my family, friends, and puppy!
“I’m mean because I’m nice.”
Does that make any sense to you? I really was crazy about this guy and now this? He’s been a jerk for the past two years and he says, “i didn’t realize it. I have a problem. Its because of my nice and forgiving nature.” BULL. I can’t believe I spent my time and emotions on him. Once again, I’ve given all I have to offer to be left thinking, why? Of course, I can’t talk to anyone about it because they didn’t understand what I saw in him in the first place. First, he’s attractive, he makes me die with laughter, and when we cuddle, I feel extremely important to him. He has the talent of convincing women they mean something to him. Whatev. I shouldn’t waste any more time thinking about it.
My birthday is on Friday! I think my grandmother bought me two books on Buddhism. I really can’t wait. I’ve wanted to be Buddhist for forever, but it just hasn’t happened. I’ve been tempted to open them early all week but my roommate has been keeping an eye on me. lol
I’ve been working on my confrontation skills. Maybe they are getting better? I gave it to my English partner the other day. For our final project in English, we have to create a visual argument about something that is culturally significant. He wanted to create a rap song about fast food. First of all, he is the only one of the group that can rap and i doubt he will contribute anything to the group, second, Its supposed to be a visual argument and the type of media we use is supposed to be the best possible way to persuade our audience. A rap song about fast food? Really? I actually want to get an A. While he went on about how we were doing the rap song, I interjected, “I don’t want to do a rap song because i can’t contribute much to that project and you did absolutely nothing on the last project. Also, I think a rap song isn’t appropriate for the point we are trying to make and it is less accessible than something like a web page.” He was ticked off the rest of class and wouldn’t talk, but i was done taking his crap. Yay me!
Chyeah
My mother and sister are back from England. Hooray! (Sarcasm) I’ve already been bombarded with constant dumb questions. I was up at 5am listening to my mother’s coffee grinder. Nice. I bought dinner for them last night. Just because I’m complaining doesn’t mean I don’t get along with them or engage my mother in her pointless questions. Okay, I’m being a bit harsh. Sorry.
I’ve gained ten pounds since last year. I need to check my eating habits. It seems like I’ve lost control over something I’m usually very disciplined about. I’ve been running though as usual about 4 miles a day.
I’ve recently been joining chat rooms and talking to people. Its really cool getting to know other people, but you get an awfully lot of nasty guys trying to get u to talk dirty to them. Bluhh..Some of them are like 40 years old. I got into a really good conversation with a 21 year old the other day about politics. lol You know that makes me happy. I recommended Cormac McCarthy to some guy who likes dark literature so i got to tell him about my two favorite teachers. (He is a philosophy teacher)
Oh yeah…!! I have my new laptop! Even if it isn’t a Mac like English majors are supposed to have. Oh well. My dad says he’s going to take this laptop and buy me a mac when the time comes. I’ve kinda grown attached to this one already though. Super Cr3w is my wallpaper!
Chyeah
My mother and sister are back from England. Hooray! (Sarcasm) I’ve already been bombarded with constant dumb questions. I was up at 5am listening to my mother’s coffee grinder. Nice. I bought dinner for them last night. Just because I’m complaining doesn’t mean I don’t get along with them or engage my mother in her pointless questions. Okay, I’m being a bit harsh. Sorry.
I’ve gained ten pounds since last year. I need to check my eating habits. It seems like I’ve lost control over something I’m usually very disciplined about. I’ve been running though as usual about 4 miles a day.
I’ve recently been joining chat rooms and talking to people. Its really cool getting to know other people, but you get an awfully lot of nasty guys trying to get u to talk dirty to them. Bluhh..Some of them are like 40 years old. I got into a really good conversation with a 21 year old the other day about politics. lol You know that makes me happy. I recommended Cormac McCarthy to some guy who likes dark literature so i got to tell him about my two favorite teachers. (He is a philosophy teacher)
Oh yeah…!! I have my new laptop! Even if it isn’t a Mac like English majors are supposed to have. Oh well. My dad says he’s going to take this laptop and buy me a mac when the time comes. I’ve kinda grown attached to this one already though. Super Cr3w is my wallpaper!
Moody.
Ugh. I’m having another down day. Thank goodness I was able to go shopping with Mary. I ended up getting Blood Meridian by Cormac. Who knows whether I’ll like it or not.
Contributors to my crappy mood:
-I haven’t talked to Howard in almost a week.
-I was joking around and called Howard a jerk when I was talking to Mr. Hill because Howard was wrong about something he told me, for the hundredth time, and I think I offended Mr. Hill. I feel like an uber b****. My sarcasm always gets misunderstood. It makes me feel like I just shouldn’t talk to people, especially people I look up to.
-Gabby was online the other day for about 40 minutes, but i guess that wasn’t long enough for him to send me a short message. I don’t know what I did wrong or why all of a sudden i’ve been thrown out of his life. but it hurts.
I just keep reading and writing to try and make myself feel better. I guess I’ve just been feeling so lonely. oh well. I’ll get over it in a couple days.
An Action-Packed 24 hours.
I finished two books…
Mary, Mary by: James Patterson
-Disappointing. I’ve read a couple other Patterson books before and this one was the worst. I guess the plot didn’t really hold my attention very well. I kept finding myself day dreaming in the middle of chapters. Okay, maybe I had a bit to think about, but still.
A Walk To Remember by: Nicholas Sparks
-Extremely Disappointing. Man, Nicholas Sparks is by far my favorite romance author, but this one was horrible. I’m not sure if i’m just getting overly critical about my literature, or I found myself comparing the book to the movie, but i was so disappointed. Good thing it was only like 200 pages. Nicholas needs to redeem himself but i have a couple things on my agenda before he gets another shot. Oh, i just remembered why I disliked it so much. I didn’t like the style and I thought the characters were a bit flat and shallow.
I wrote a poem. I would give it a 5/10. But, let me know what you think:
“With You”
My body crumbles into your
smooth, yet aggressive offensives.
Your abnormally long nails
inch down my back
as you smile and welcome
each quiver
as if my happiness means something to you.
Each tender kiss you plant on my
left temple
breaks through a level of my defenses
just long enough
for you to fill the silence
with insincere nothings
that repulse me back to reality.
You think of me as the typical girl,
easily fooled by your practiced ego,
But I have you fooled.
I am not that girl,
but yes, I am in love with you.
Onto other drama:
-I had an allergic reaction after I ran today. I took my medication and everything so its a bit scary that i still reacted. It was a mild reaction, thank goodness. My parents weren’t home and i couldn’t find my fast acting allergy pills. But, my face was swollen and i was dizzy and itching all over.
Proof that this allergy exists.
So, I put that link above if your one of the 90% of people who don’t believe me when i say i’m allergic to exercise.
-I watched Juno for the first time. Yeah, the humor was funny, but realistic, no. it would be awesome if everyone was so dang hilarious. And I thought the soundtrack was just okay. Neat songs…but i didn’t really get how they added to or went with the mood in the movie.
Stressed.
Today was pretty bad. I still haven’t finished my American Literature paper. I have such a hard time making my things detailed. I’m such a practical person so I don’t see the need to add anything more than what is needed to get my point across. I have one page, it is supposed to be about four pages. I didn’t get off work until 10pm.
-Okay, the first thing that is stressing me out is my school work. No, I don’t have 300 AP exams, but that doesn’t mean my load is light. In American Literature, Jankowski just told us about the presentations we are supposed to make and it involves a lot more than giving the summary of the book. We have to compare the apocalyptic themes, physical aspects, and philosophical aspects to those of the road, and all of this other stuff, but I don’t even know if I completely get why Cormac choose his specific apocalyptic theme to impact the characters and I know that Brave New World isn’t the easiest book to get through. So, besides reading two books for A.L., we are starting some Hemingway book that is about 1/4 spanish–I don’t speak spanish. But, our final exam is over this book. I still haven’t finished Cry, The Beloved Country or Mere Christianity yet.
-Work: Well, my last blog was about how Gabby asked me to prom which was this saturday. Well, I called all the shops, got a list of all of the employees off, and called every one. I even called the people that are still in college in case they would be back in time. No one called me back, so I asked my manager if she had any ideas I could try. The best she could come up with was, “call everyone on the list.” (I already did.) I thought this was so shitty–I’m the only employee that hasn’t been late or called in sick EVER. I’ve been working there for a year now. I went in and covered last minute for Jess when she got in a car wreck, I’ve covered for Cathy, I’ve done so much for Laura, and she couldn’t take two seconds to give me any idea of who or what to do next about getting Saturday off. I’ll just make sure I return the favour.
-Family: My mother is driving me crazy constantly. It is just getting harder and harder to get along with her. She can’t ever shut up and talks about nothing. Then she gets all bitchy when I have nothing to say back. I seriously have to tell her things five times in order for her to get it. She just doesn’t listen. Being in any small place for more than about one minute is hell. Also, both of my parents are putting so much pressure on me to put together my graduation trip and finalize my college stuff. AHH!!
Stressed.
Today was pretty bad. I still haven’t finished my American Literature paper. I have such a hard time making my things detailed. I’m such a practical person so I don’t see the need to add anything more than what is needed to get my point across. I have one page, it is supposed to be about four pages. I didn’t get off work until 10pm.
-Okay, the first thing that is stressing me out is my school work. No, I don’t have 300 AP exams, but that doesn’t mean my load is light. In American Literature, Jankowski just told us about the presentations we are supposed to make and it involves a lot more than giving the summary of the book. We have to compare the apocalyptic themes, physical aspects, and philosophical aspects to those of the road, and all of this other stuff, but I don’t even know if I completely get why Cormac choose his specific apocalyptic theme to impact the characters and I know that Brave New World isn’t the easiest book to get through. So, besides reading two books for A.L., we are starting some Hemingway book that is about 1/4 spanish–I don’t speak spanish. But, our final exam is over this book. I still haven’t finished Cry, The Beloved Country or Mere Christianity yet.
-Work: Well, my last blog was about how Gabby asked me to prom which was this saturday. Well, I called all the shops, got a list of all of the employees off, and called every one. I even called the people that are still in college in case they would be back in time. No one called me back, so I asked my manager if she had any ideas I could try. The best she could come up with was, “call everyone on the list.” (I already did.) I thought this was so shitty–I’m the only employee that hasn’t been late or called in sick EVER. I’ve been working there for a year now. I went in and covered last minute for Jess when she got in a car wreck, I’ve covered for Cathy, I’ve done so much for Laura, and she couldn’t take two seconds to give me any idea of who or what to do next about getting Saturday off. I’ll just make sure I return the favour.
-Family: My mother is driving me crazy constantly. It is just getting harder and harder to get along with her. She can’t ever shut up and talks about nothing. Then she gets all bitchy when I have nothing to say back. I seriously have to tell her things five times in order for her to get it. She just doesn’t listen. Being in any small place for more than about one minute is hell. Also, both of my parents are putting so much pressure on me to put together my graduation trip and finalize my college stuff. AHH!!
-I think that is enough complaining for one post.
