50 Things I Will Never Do
I was looking at prompts on a creative writing site and this one came up. I thought it was a little edgy because no one usually asks what you aren’t willing to do. Just whether you WOULD do something. You guys better post a list too!
I will never:
- Steal from my parents or friends.
- Go skinny dipping in Ball State’s syphilis infested pond.
- Cry to get out of a speeding ticket.
- Forget what its like to be bullied.
- Forget what its like to bully others.
- Care more about the money than the patients.
- Respect women in authority positions as much as men.
- Forget how much my parents sacrificed for me growing up.
- Have a one night stand.
- Stop learning.
- Give up on life.
- Have an abortion.
- Stop trying to please other people.
- Think I’m good enough for the people I care about most.
- Feel comfortable around people I have extreme respect for.
- Take illegal drugs in the form of pills.
- Allow my friends to leave a party with strangers.
- Forgive myself for the way I treated my 6th grade teachers.
- Stop donating change to street performers.
- Lose my love of dance, literature, or exercise.
- Completely isolate myself from others, as I often feel like doing.
- Feel completely comfortable with my body.
- Stop thinking that he might have been the one.
- Be a good liar.
- Let my desire for alcohol affect my life.
- Drink on a school night.
- Be dependent on a man.
- Believe in God.
- Look down on someone because of their job, living arrangements, or education level.
- Have good fashion sense.
- Be sexual with a friend’s bf/lover/husband/partner.
- Get plastic surgery.
- Make my bed each morning.
- Enjoy cooking.
- Read Twilight.
- Drive intoxicated.
- Allow a friend to drive intoxicated.
- Forget what its like to lose a best friend.
- Be afraid of dying.
- Stop falling in love too easily.
- Marry someone for money.
- Stop biting my nails.
- Be attracted to a man with perfect abs.
- Stop wishing/trying to be a better person.
- Forget to appreciate the stars.
- Prefer compliments over criticism.
- Be great at verbally expressing my emotions.
- Stop enjoying Disney movies.
- Stop enjoying the sound of running water.
- Enjoy sleeping up against a wall.
Medical School
I finally made the decision to switch my major over to Biology with PreMed today when I found out there was only one spot left in the Bio class I needed and 17 spots in the chem class I needed. When I was talking to my father over dinner at Carlos O’Kellys, it was the first time he has ever questioned a decision I have made, so I began crying right in the middle of appetizers.
It is so scary to me that I have a 50 percent chance to be who I want now. It may come down to something completely independent of how much work I put into it. Maybe during the interview, they may decide that I’m not assertive enough to be a doctor and therefore deny my application. Who really knows? Lets be honest. You really can’t do anything with a Biology major these days. There are very few options since there are so many biology majors. I am scared to death. It really didn’t help matters when my dad started asking questions like, “what are u doing to do with a biology major?” and “what are the odds that you will actually make it that far?” Before, he has always accepted anything and gone beyond to help me organize my schedule and make another four year plan.
Also, I have been writing essays for a tutoring job I’m applying for over the summer. It makes me nervous because it asks questions about my leadership qualities, but I never actually take leadership positions.
I am never really stressed, but I am starting to really feel it. I’m also lonely. It would be so nice just to have someone touch me in a non-sexual way that showed that I was worthy of their affection and time. It has been so long since I’ve felt that from a person other than a relative or close friend. It just seems like I am never good enough to be that one person that means enough to a guy that he commits and shows that he cares.
I just need to get my emotions in check. There are way too many downers going on at once and I need to focus on the positive side of everything.
What Is Wrong With the Nice Guy?
Jake PavelkaWhat Is Wrong With the Nice Guy?
Jake PavelkaTop 15 Celebrity Crushes
-Eva Mendes and Angelina Jolie are the only two I’m sure are in order. Everyone else can be interchanged pretty much. lol
Loss of Sexuality
The past couple months have brought about a huge change in my behavior towards the people I am attracted to. Usually I am oozing sexual energy, hardly able to control my flirtatious personality. Lately though, I have just been blocking that part of me. I’m tired of attracting guys to me that just want to be with me for my sexual and flirtatious nature. I actually want someone who will care about me for more than that; I feel like I have more to offer than the sexual side of my personality. Another part of it is a lack of confidence in my ability to keep a person’s attention without using my sex appeal.
I can’t decide if I like the new person I have become. I think by caging my sexual self, it is causing me to be someone else. At the same time though, I’m not sure if relationships work when there is so much sexual activity in and out of the relationship. I am just so confused about what other people like best and whether being less sexual is a better way to find a person to care for you.
I am looking forward to meeting new people this summer so I can try some new things out, since they wont have any pre-knowledge about who I am as a person or what to expect from me. That way I will be able to figure out what works best to really find a person that will care about me. Not necessarily in a serious, relationship-type way. Maybe more of a respect and understanding type of caring, since i’m not sure i have had much of either of those in my past relationships.
Sadly, It has come to this…
I think writing down his positive and negative qualities will help convince myself that he isn’t for me. Hopefully. Because I know this list will be completely one sided.
Good Qualities Associated with Him
1. We have more chemistry than I thought was possible for two people to have.
2. He is affectionate.
3. He is very attractive.
Bad Qualities Associated with Him
1. He isn’t that academically intelligent and is on academic probation.
2. He thinks he is the shit. Period.
3. He lies. A Lot.
4. He is extremely selfish.
5. Enjoys making people feel stupid/inferior/like less of a good person.
6. Is hated by all my friends.
7. Doesn’t care about how he affects other people.
8. Has no idea what he wants.
9. He tries to tell everyone that he knows everything in almost every subject, but he really doesn’t.
10. He takes advantage of me and how much I care about him without giving it a second thought.
I think i’m just used to always getting my ways with guys, and this one guy turns me down, so now its driving me absolutely crazy. I have never been turned down before….and it doesn’t feel good. I don’t mean that in a full of myself way. I just usually pick guys I know I have a chance with. I guess I fell for him too fast and forgot to think about what I was getting myself into. But, I need to get over it. There are other interested guys, to whom I owe some attention. I’m actually almost ready to commit to someone. We may not have the same amount of chemistry, but he is such a great person. I’m lucky to have a chance with him.
On Being Shallow
There is a friend of mine who keeps confessing his feelings for me. I really don’t know how to respond. And, I’m not even sure why I am so set on giving him a no answer. He is the typical “nerd” who knows the ins and outs of computer/video games and rarely talks to girls. I would be lying if I said I was attracted to him, but is physical attraction a good enough excuse to say no to someone? I have convinced myself that it isn’t, so i have continually picked out things that I think would make us incompatible. He’s too shy, he wont be able to please me sexually, he goes to a college a few hours away from mine, and I’m already involved in a few relationship-type things. For him, that doesn’t seem good enough. Its almost as if guys would prefer if you told them you were saying no because you don’t find them attractive enough. That way you look like a bad person and they escape with some dignity. Maybe I’m just bitter right now because of how pressured I feel to have feelings for people they don’t exist for.
Reading my teacher’s blog today really makes me miss him. He’s one of the few people I have been able to look up to in my life, yet I always get so nervous to talk to him just in case I say or do something that will cause him to lose respect for me. I hope by the end of this semester I’ll be able to give him the news that I have a 4.0 for my first semester of college. If i can even get myself to tell him that. I don’t know why I always feel like I’m not good enough for those to care about. Well, maybe I do know why, but I’d rather not use that as an excuse.
With finals coming up, I haven’t had much time to make any progress in my Buddhism book. 
Good thing I took notes so I wouldn’t forget anything important in between readings. Pretty soon I’ll be back home with my family, friends, and puppy!
Interested or Not?
I’ve been crazy about this guy for months now. About two months ago, we were talking and he told me that he wanted there to be something more between us than friends with benefits and that he was interested in me that way. We hung out about every other day and cuddled and made out and stuff. Then, for the past about three weeks, he has been a bit rude and distant–we haven’t made out at all this month. Then yesterday, everything seemed back to normal. We had lunch together and we spent the whole time joking around staring into each other’s eyes. I was trying to unlock the door to our college dorm hall and he put his arms around me to try and beat me to it. Then he managed to slide into a hug before we departed for our classes/friends. What on earth? How is it that guys can be interested in you one month, treat you like crap the next month, and then just go back to normal the following month.? And is he even interested in me?? I sent him a txt the other day, forgetting that it was Wednesday (the day all rugby players get hammered), telling him I was confused about whether or not he cared. I never received a response back. Usually he does respond, so the txt might’ve been lost in all the excitement, or he just didn’t want to respond. I would rather have a “no” than nothing. At least then I wont be bothering him and I can move on to other people. Gahh.
“I’m mean because I’m nice.”
Does that make any sense to you? I really was crazy about this guy and now this? He’s been a jerk for the past two years and he says, “i didn’t realize it. I have a problem. Its because of my nice and forgiving nature.” BULL. I can’t believe I spent my time and emotions on him. Once again, I’ve given all I have to offer to be left thinking, why? Of course, I can’t talk to anyone about it because they didn’t understand what I saw in him in the first place. First, he’s attractive, he makes me die with laughter, and when we cuddle, I feel extremely important to him. He has the talent of convincing women they mean something to him. Whatev. I shouldn’t waste any more time thinking about it.
My birthday is on Friday! I think my grandmother bought me two books on Buddhism. I really can’t wait. I’ve wanted to be Buddhist for forever, but it just hasn’t happened. I’ve been tempted to open them early all week but my roommate has been keeping an eye on me. lol
I’ve been working on my confrontation skills. Maybe they are getting better? I gave it to my English partner the other day. For our final project in English, we have to create a visual argument about something that is culturally significant. He wanted to create a rap song about fast food. First of all, he is the only one of the group that can rap and i doubt he will contribute anything to the group, second, Its supposed to be a visual argument and the type of media we use is supposed to be the best possible way to persuade our audience. A rap song about fast food? Really? I actually want to get an A. While he went on about how we were doing the rap song, I interjected, “I don’t want to do a rap song because i can’t contribute much to that project and you did absolutely nothing on the last project. Also, I think a rap song isn’t appropriate for the point we are trying to make and it is less accessible than something like a web page.” He was ticked off the rest of class and wouldn’t talk, but i was done taking his crap. Yay me!
